Predators are Everywhere, Even in the Church

Growing up church was very important to me, at a young age I loved listening to sermons, memorizing the Bible, and helping others. I was seven or eight when I first remember meeting 'him'. The first memory of have of Bob was when was giving a sermon in the church we went to, he knew so much about the Bible, and I learned so much whenever he spoke and I wanted to be like him. He had chapters and full books of the Bible memorized. He was loved and respected by all. I would shake his hand after every sermon and thank him for the message. At first, it would consist of him quizzing me on the sermon, and Bible trivia, and giving a quick hug whenever I came to church. I admired his knowledge and when it came time to write a report on someone I admired I chose Bob, I loved him like family and I wanted to know the Bible like he did.

A few years went by and he started to become possessive. I remember my best friend Samantha, was staying with me and after church, we were going to go to the park. My parents were very strict and taught us to be respectful during the church service and to not talk or play. This particular day we were extra giddy and whispered back and forth occasionally talking about everything we were going to do. It was only a few times, but that was all it took. After the sermon, I shook Bob's hand like normal and thanked him for presenting the sermon. He held onto my hand tight and looked at Samantha then at me and said. "I have never been so disappointed in you as I have been today." I didn't know what to do and began to laugh nervously. He then cut me off and said, "I am serious, I have never seen you be so disrespectful, did you even listen to a word I said? I have never been so hurt, do you not love me anymore?" I don't remember what happened next, but I remember feeling scared and hurt. I struggled with perfection and had this idea I had to be perfect at everything all the time or I wouldn't be loved and when he said that, it made my heart sting.

The next time Sam went to church with me Bob became annoyed. He would make "jokes" and say, "who is this girl? She can't be your best friend, I am your best friend! Who do you love more her or me?" This is when everything began to change. He would wait in the lobby for me to arrive, and instead of the quick "good morning, happy Sabbath hugs" he would hug me, then wrap his arm around my waist and hold me there. He would then ask me if I loved him, who my best friend was, who I loved the most in the world...I had to say it was him or he would get upset with me. He would tell me how pretty I looked in my dresses and his hand would get lower and he would pat my butt. I felt like ants were crawling underneath my skin, but I didn't have the confidence to tell anyone if they made me feel uncomfortable, especially him. I kept thinking he couldn't be doing anything bad, he would do this in front of everyone. He expected me to stand by him with his arm wrapped around me until church started, then again after church until it was time to eat. I felt bad for being annoyed. I wanted to talk to the other members of the church, run outside, or play the piano, but I knew I couldn't. He wanted me to stay with him. From there he would force me to sit on his lap, so he could just "love me and never let go". It made me feel uncomfortable but he didn't give me a choice and I thought it would be disrespectful to say no. It was when I was sitting on his lap he told me to kiss me on the cheek for the first time. I remember laughing nervously because I didn't know what to do and shook my head no. He got upset and said, I thought you loved me? I thought we were best friends. Just kiss me on my cheek it would make me very happy. He then grabbed the back of my neck and made me kiss him. I felt sick to my stomach but I still didn't know what he was doing was wrong. Every week it was the same thing, walk into church hug and kiss him, let him wrap his hands around me, sit on his lap then make the excuse I had to go to the bathroom. In a place I used to love and feel safe, I began to feel trapped. It wasn't until a week before my first mission trip ( I was twelve) that he told me he was going to miss me, and I would be gone from him too long and wanted a little kiss on the lips. I felt very uncomfortable because I didn't kiss anyone on the lips so I tried to kiss his cheek, but he didn't want that. He turned his head and made me kiss him on the lips anyway. A part of me knew this would become the new normal and I hated it. A few years went by and my routine with Bob got worse. He began making jokes about how I was his little girlfriend, making me tell him I loved him 3-6 times every Sabbath. I would stay the night with couples in the church and one day he and his wife talked to my parents to see if I wanted to spend the night with him and my mother said she would ask me. Bob pulled me aside and said I can't wait for you to spend the night, I could just hold and love you all night long and you could just sit on my lap and we could talk. I felt like throwing up and told my mom on the way home that I would rather stay home and it sounded boring, she said okay and I didn't have to go if I didn't want to. I had never been so thankful to stay home.

I started high school and I was finally able to get away, I went to boarding school so I was gone most of the school year. Whenever I would be home for a break I would try to be "sick" every Saturday because I didn't want to be around him. When I did go to church, his hands were either resting on my butt, or he would stroke the side of my breast through my dress while having his 'arm around me'. I would try to get away and go to the library to read but he would follow me. I would try to distract myself with playing the piano, but he would become angry that I wanted to play the piano instead of talking to him. Nothing I did would work. So the bathroom became my safe place. Whenever I felt sick or uncomfortable I would hide in the stall to breathe and get some space from him, but as soon as I opened the bathroom door he was right there waiting for me. When Braden and I were dating, Braden drove down to go to church with my one Sabbath and Bob became angry at me. He asked me how I could date someone else and he thought that I was his girlfriend, for the first time I realized he wasn't joking. He asked me how I could break his heart like this and how I must not love him anymore. I became overwhelmed while trying to process something my brain had been trying to protect me from for so many years. Thankfully Braden saw me and came over and it stopped. After church Braden asked me about Bob and said that he had a bad feeling about him. I brushed it off, but I felt so much shame on the ride home all I could do was cry silently while looking out the window. How could I have let this happen? How was I so dumb? I had read so many stories about predators and how they groom children but it never occured that the same thing was happening to me. Bob never told me to keep anything a secret, he never told me to not tell my parents something, and everything he did to me was out in the open where anyone could walk in and see. A week later I got the courage to tell my parents and I never went back.

I share my story because I am no longer ashamed, I was so young when I started being groomed that I had no idea the danger I was in. Pedophiles are everywhere. Pedophiles are in our schools and churches, they can be are leaders, family, and friends. Pedophiles can be smart, kind, and 'good people'. It is so important to have open conversations with our children, to teach them to say no, and never be afraid to stand up for themselves. We need to teach them they do not have to hug or kiss anyone they do not want/feel comfortable with. As a society, we need to look closely at those around us. Over ten years of abuse in the open and not one person saw.... if they did they didn't do anything to stop it.