A Journey of Self-Discovery Through Mindfulness

The moment when something clicks, and you can finally see the purpose, is hard to explain. It's like being stuck in a room surrounded by smoke, and suddenly, a light turns on, revealing there was never smoke to begin with. Today, I had this profound experience, and my body was flooded with understanding.

As I've mentioned before, I recently started with a new therapist. Like always, I was distrustful and skeptical, but deep down, I knew I wanted to reshape my perception of myself, so I stuck around. Allowing myself to feel my feelings without judgment from myself has never been my strength. So, when my therapist introduced mindfulness, I couldn’t help but wonder, is this REALLY helpful? insert side eye

Mindfulness begins with paying attention to my breathing, noticing the changes in my body, and observing my feelings without trying to fix or make them go away. Today, as I expressed the guilt I felt, my therapist chose to have me practice being present and I immediately thought okay, Jarrod making me put skills into real-time practice let’s goooo! and it was then that everything changed.

In my life, whenever I felt guilt (which is a lot, but it’s a work in progress), I would do everything within my power to run from that discomfort. I buried myself in work and kept busy, hoping to drown out the overwhelming sense of guilt and self-loathing. And yes, it made the feeling go away for a bit, but it wasn’t addressing the problem.

Today was different. For the first time, I stayed present. I sat in the discomfort, feeling the nausea wash over me, and instead of trying to escape, I accepted it. I accepted that “negative” emotions have a place in my life and need to be experienced just as my positive feelings do. I didn’t need to change it. Just to be.

This moment of clarity has been transformative. It's a reminder that healing isn’t always about fixing ourselves but rather embracing all parts of who we are. It’s about allowing ourselves to sit with discomfort, knowing that it’s okay not to have all the answers and that growth often emerges from the most challenging moments.

Today, I'm filled with hope. Hope that by continuing to practice mindfulness and embracing the full spectrum of my emotions, I'll continue to find moments of clarity and understanding. And through it all, I'm learning to trust in the journey, knowing that each step forward brings me closer to the light.